Trepidation of the Living

Define “life”. What does it mean to you? Is it sitting behind a computer screen for 40+ hours a week? Does it mean following the commands of every person above you in the Hierarchy of Life? Does it mean that there’s only what is now and never what could be?

I am afraid of living up to what the world expects from me. I never want to and I am beginning to believe I never will. What does this mean for me? What does it mean to never live up to expectations? This of course depends on what the expectations are. My greatest grievances come from the expectations set upon me by work. I am expected to follow the commands of my superiors in the name of “the client”, “the money”, “the project” or “the company”. The allowance I have for myself in this situation is severely restricted.

I must work. I must obtain an income. I churn and burn as billions of others do. Just as those that do the commanding. We play just as much a part as those that create the chains we become as the global market. I want out. I want no part of this charade; this facade in which we work so hard to live. I am only here because of our economic system and I am too afraid to leave.

I wonder who I would meet. Would it be more lonely than the life I left behind? Would I even survive? Without the rest of the collective, would being outside the system simply leave me with nothing? Who am I leaving behind? No one would come with me. There are people out there that want their “creature comforts” too much to leave that behind and start living.

The excuses come in waves. The more we know the more excuses we make. None of us know the truth for the truth is too vast if it is to exist at all. We have yet to evolve into beings capable of physically and mentally living as a different, preexisting being. We have our bodies and our minds – the consciousness we commonly think of as “ourselves”. We cannot, however, consciously become the consciousness of someone else’s self. If we also consider that knowledge is only what is interpreted by our perceptions of experience, we can see that none of us can really know a thing. What excuses can be made when the best we are capable of doing as a human race is acting like we know things?

This is why the world is enslaved. We think mass producing everything from guns to gravestones is the proper way; the way of our society; the way of the world. The fact is, there are no facts, there is no fiction, no truth no lie. These are simply judgments placed upon otherwise neutral phenomenon. Our mindless existence is equally manufactured and enforced by the institutions in which we attempt to survive. Fear is the glue that holds it together.

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